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March 25, 2018 3 min read


Last year was the most exciting year of my life, I MADE IT ONTO THE STAGE. Not only made it onto the stage but to finals! FINALS!! I had never heard on an autistic bodybuilder, I didn’t think there could be such a person but there I was autistic as hell, doing it myself!

My proudest moment wasn’t stepping on stage though, it was preforming my routine to the children I work with. The ooooohs and awwws when they saw my posing routine, catching a little girl kissing her biceps in appreciation made my week! All the children that I worked with where rooting for me… now that’s a good feeling.

However I have to put my hands up, everything went wrong at finals. EVERYTHING! But here’s the thing, I could sit here and list all the reasons, moan and bitch about how unfair it all was… or I could do it again. Do it better!

female body builder

"I am scared, and terrified and nervous and even nauseous on an hourly rotation"

I decided the day after finals that I was going to make the ultimate come back! Instead of moping I got myself a much better coach, instead of sulking I worked six days a week for 7 months building a better package. I didn’t eat my weight in crisps, chocolate or doughnuts. I reverse dieted, I went from hungry in my prep to a little less hungry in my off season. I needed to do everything I could to bring a better package.

Don’t get me wrong, I know we learn so much from our failures. They build us, make us stronger. But if I could go back, a little part of me wishes I never stepped on that stage in October because I wouldn’t be fighting the demons I am today.
The mind games have started and worst of all I'm the one starting them. Like a broken record “am I good enough?”, “do I have what it takes?”, “can I do this?” Play repeatedly like Justin beieber's song baby. (I still cant get that bloody song out of my head.)
Every day I convince myself I should walk away, but there is something that always stops me. There is this fire in my belly that won’t let me. 
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OH MY GOD I am scared, and terrified and nervous and even nauseous on an hourly rotation but I am doing this!

I’m going to step back on stage for myself, for the children I work with, for the autistic community and probably a little bit for my pride.

I am 18 weeks out this Saturday and that’s when I will write my first post. 

It will be a countdown till show day and hopefully til finals *crosses all fingers and toes*

In this blog I will talk about my training, eating, progress and possibly even talk a little about my mental state. I try to post pictures or videos of everything and be as motivating as this little autistic monster can. 

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Before I start I am going to make a promise to you that I will do my best to stay as positive as I can, but bear with me if I have a dark day or a few swear words make it in. I’m only human.

Jocelyn Meyer

Body Builder

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